It is crazy how, as the internet continues to advance with technology, some parts of the internet fall victim to it. Now that high speed internet is a way of life, all, including the idiots, are empowered. I have occasion to run ads either for employees or to sell items. Craig's list is popular enough that it is sometimes worth the moron danger to use it.
"I truly believe that Craig's list is the primary tool of the stay-at-home- ne'er-do-well husband."
A couple of years ago I ran an ad asking for carpenters for my construction business. I included a wage scale of 12 to 15 dollars per hour to start. I am not a big fan of Craig's list for personnel resources, mainly because it seems the typical applicant is - to be delicate - a little bit flighty. I truly believe that Craig's list is the primary unemployment retention tool for the stay-at-home- ne'er-do-well husband. This is a guy who is either unemployed or under employed part time. His effort to keep his wife off his ass by looking for work is completely a function of Craig's List.
Since the hero in our storyhas a primary occupation, after his bread winning wife leaves the house for her overtaxing job, is to flagellate to on line porn. Of course, he is a picture of fitness and mental acumen.
I remember calling back on an email sent in response to one of my ads. (By the way, guys like our hero never call, even when a number is made a part of the ad. This would require taking ones genitals away from the computer area and who knows when the urge may strike.) Because this particular ad had resulted in few telephone responses, I threw caution to the wind and called. His name was Alan. Alan answered one ring before it went to voice mail. I am certain he added that bit of suspense because he recognized the number on his caller I.D. from my ad.
In typical applicant polite speak seasoned with the proper mixture of cordiality and just a smattering of authority, I introduced myself and inquired as to candidate Alan's qualifications. He seemed a tad offended that I was being so personal so he had questions of his own he felt compelled to put to me.
"This would require taking ones genitals away from the computer area and who knows when the urge may strike."
He asked how busy I was.
I replied that I was busy enough that I was seeking out additional employees.
He followed up with where my office was located.
I indicated the general area.
He scoffed that that was a residential area. (Of course, at that point, he had triumphed.)
I admitted that I worked from a SOHO (Small Office / Home Office).
He chuckled and asked me where I stored my materials, my tools, my service vehicles, my office staff!?
I replied: the lumber yard, a tool box, my garage and my employees garages, she sleeps with me at night and I am usually with myself in my truck during the day.
My sense of humor has bounds and I am even less amused by worthless vagabonds attempting to draw me into a time consuming pointless debate on commerce, of which he knows less than the cat laying across from me now (The cat has the decency to clean her paws after pleasuring herself so I may be comfortable in her company.)
So I asked the un-showered, sticky handed, corpulent dolt whether he wanted a job or not. He seemed genuinely insulted and replied that when I had been in business long enough to learn how to run one properly ( and obviously I am sprucing up his statement) I might give him a future call and he would consider it.
I wasn't gazing in a mirror, but I am fairly sure my mouth screwed up into a frustrated grimace. I bid him go back to his jacking off and picking zits. Then I bid him adieu.
Another ad I ran on Craig's List was a 'for sale ad.' I was selling my 21' Maxum Cuddy Cabin for $5000.00. This was a good price based upon average value and I had done a lot of work to the boat to enhance it. I received a few calls and I did get the typical hairy handed email or two.
Remember that our hero in the semen stained T shirt is a goal setter. One day he will have to find a way to spend the largess he has earned after landing his cushy, well-negotiated computer job at the fortune 500 company lucky enough to have lured him away from his home-based sticky keyboard business.
"I am truly surprised women keep their panties around their hips with the negotiation powers of this guy."
The first email asked what my best price was. As motivated by his offer as I was - oh wait: that was the only sentence in his missive. I guess that should have done the trick. I am truly surprised women keep their panties around their hips with the negotiation powers of this guy.Another email message stated simply: I had trouble seeing your ad. Did we all come up with the same answer? Say it with me: Don't you know that sort of thing can make you go blind?
No. No. I didn't say it. I merely advised him that he might need a better computer....and to clean off his monitor from time to time. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. So I guess I am hinting that these critical, and sometimes sardonic, individuals have accumulated quite a bit of unspent aggression - and one's ad is an irresistible outlet by which they vent said aggression.
About 2 weeks ago I read an ad placed by a brave remodeling contractor. He was looking for a subcontractor to perform general carpentry work. I do that sort of thing in m real work so I replied. The ad gave too much information, in my opinion, with its explanation that some jobs would be small and others big. Defining big vs. small to our Craig's list cruiser would be a daunting task.
"I didn't even laugh because I know how the poor bastard felt."
To my astonishment, I got a return call from the phone number I included with my email reply. (He didn't leave a number - mistake of the highest order if you want serious response to your ad. Remember: our hero doesn't call, so your odds of a serious response go up exponentially when you add a number to the ad.) His first question was whether I had ever built anything before. I didn't even laugh because I know how the poor bastard felt. After a solid 20 minutes of low level "Craig's List Cruisers" filtering queries, we arranged a meeting. He wanted me to bring references, photo's of work done, tools he could see in my possession, a driver's license and social security card. I brought the requested items to a Lowe's where we had agreed to meet. After further in-person questioning for 15 minutes, I stopped him, a nice guy, though somewhat harried looking, and I said:
"So your biggest objection is that I answered an ad left by you on Craig's List."
"Actually, yes", he replied.
"I am ashamed", I said, "but with the economy like it is, I had to make an Obama run this one time."
He laughed. And in relief he contracted me to do the work. We have done several jobs (big and small) since.
I believe that any classified page, or site, that includes a "Rant and Rave" section should give one pause. But, in deference of our hero, the nature of a free site, where the advertising desperate go for assistance, has a compelling allure to the bored unemployed in post-climactic bliss.
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